Prom Night

Here's a movie that you keep waiting for, a film that you could eat lunch around while it provides some noise, a film that is so bad it's not funny, a film that doesn't even try. There were a few times during it when I thought: alright, has the movie started yet? Because, even though it's a clean ninety minutes, the amount of pain it induces is pretty incredible. The first hour is unbelievably boring. A killer is going to kill Brittany Snow (fuck the name of her character, the movie doesn't deserve the effort it would take for me to wiki her name) and it's going to happen at the prom. Snow and a group of friends decide to say 'fuck it' and go to prom anyway. There's a hell-of-a-lot of security, but the security guys are idiots and so are the kids. People start to go off to rooms to have sex, and they're all killed in unbelievably bad kills. I mean, sure, the Friday the 13th series blows, but the inventiveness of the kills keeps you marginally interested. In Prom Night, they're not even trying with the low-key PG-13 deaths. One of two people will die and then the other will go looking around for them, only to be murdered themselves. So, all of Brittany Snow's friends die and then what? In the last 15 minutes of the film, we discover that the killer is actually an obsessed teacher! Oh, and she actually escaped but now he's going to kill her! Oh, but this is also a hollywood PG-13 horror film and everyone's got a hard-on for Brittany Snow, so, of course she lives, the killer dies: la dee fucking da.
Prom Night: 1/2 a ★